I confess, even though I have helped thousands of women in 216 countries get pregnant, I was unsure about having kids myself. Now I don’t think that struggling with this choice is unique, but what I’ve learned in the process can help you get pregnant whenever you are ready to make the choice.
You might remember that I was told I wouldn’t be able to have them naturally, if at all, due to my PCOS diagnosis back in the day. I told myself that I’d be happy either way, I’m sure, as a way to handle this prognosis even though I healed my PCOS and knew I was perfectly fertile.
Beyond the physical, I grew up in an immigrant family, and so I saw all of my aunts and my own mother struggle with the limitations of motherhood on their personal development. I wanted to be happy, successful, and free, and I was confused on how motherhood fit in with my desires. I even got into a relationship with a man who never wanted to have children in my mid 20’s so I wouldn’t have to become attached to the idea of becoming a mother. Ironically, I ended up breaking things off with him, because I still wanted to have this be my choice when I was ready to make it.
Fast forward, I met my amazing husband and I thought to myself, well, if I ever would take this leap, it would be with this man. That wasn’t enough though because you see, as a woman who had PCOS, my biological clock never ticked. This is a much more common phenomenon for women and very tricky to navigate - perhaps I’ll write more on that another time. But my estrogen wasn’t driving me to crave a baby the way it’s designed to do in most women. And I was getting to the age where it was time to make a decision.
In a seemingly unconnected situation, I was invited to speak at Summit Outside in July 2013. It was taking place on a mountain in Utah at 9,000ft elevation, and we’d be living in a eco village constructed just for the long weekend and then removed so as not to damage the habitat there. I was going glamping - I had to buy all the gear, the hiking boots, a sun hat, some workable outfits - all to make sure I was prepared for hiking in 90 degree blazing sunny days and walking around in 40 degree chilly mountain nights.
I’m going to admit, I was absolutely NOT sure this was a good idea, I’m a city girl, I never attended summer camp growing up, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I was totally afraid of the new experience, excited though as I was to go.
Over the years , I’ve learned that saying yes to opportunities where I feel equal measure of fear and excitement is absolutely the right thing for me and always turns out to be the most amazing experience that I’m so glad I did.
This was one of those amazing experiences. Not just because it was an awesome event, full of entrepreneurial rockstars, and that I got to teach about cracking the cycle code to a field full of amazing men and women, but because it got me out in nature, in a kind of nature I hadn’t experienced before.
And it was in that most magnificent mountain top setting, I found myself hiking the trail back to my tent in the middle of the night under a beautiful full moon and starlit night. On that quiet, peaceful walk, where everything I walked by was bathed in that moon and star shine, I totally dropped out of my head, and felt loud and clear in my cells that I was ready to become a mother. It was a beautiful moment, one that I’ll never be able to fully articulate, but as always in my life, my body was there to guide me on the next step of my adventure. Thank goodness, because my mind really has no idea where to go ever!
As soon as I heard this guidance, my mind then had a target and knew what to do to prepare my body for conception. Luckily, I had already been eating in the FLO for 17 years, so there were only a few other things to add in to amp up my fertility on a functional level. But just like I had to get all the gear for the hiking trip, I realized there were a few things I needed to clear the way for me energetically to become a mother.
This 3 step process of physically preparing the body, emotionally preparing the heart, and calling in the child is what I call Conscious Conception.
It’s so powerful in helping women get pregnant because it addresses all the root causes of what takes your body out of alignment with what it is designed to do!
For more on preparing the body physically - the right diet and detoxification for those trying to conceive check out my post on the 3 surprising foods for boosting your fertility, plus the 3 hidden fertility dangers, and the 2 tests to ask from your doctor.
I know getting pregnant can be an emotional and stressful process. I work with women every day who have come to me at the end of their IVF rope, desperately wanting to have a baby naturally. I find women feel so much better when they are being proactive about their desire to conceive. We know our bodies are built to create, we just want don’t always know how to make that happen.
So, exactly how does one clear the path for pregnancy? I’m now going to share this essential knowledge with you too!
Becoming a Conception Vessel
In this larger process of “conscious conception” - I want to focus in on here the energetic preparation and the steps you can take today that will support and enhance your fertility.
If you know however, that you need to get out of hormonal chaos on the physical level then getting started with that YEARS before you think you want to conceive is a MUST. Take advantage of one of our programs.
It’s all about living in partnership with your body, rather than seeing it as the enemy, or something to control or dominate. This is so important, as women trying to get pregnant can otherwise become very frustrated with their bodies for not doing as they expect. We may assume we can get pregnant right away, exactly when we decide we want to, and when that doesn’t happen, that’s when we feel let down by our body.
Over many years of working with women wanting to conceive, I have discovered that opening up the channels of communication and feeling good about your body, both the inside and out, will go a long way towards getting it ready to grow your baby!
I’m going to ask you a question. It’s not the kind of thing that will be brought up at your normal OB-GYN appointment.
What are you willing to shift in your life in order to be in an ideal vessel for conception?
Most of us think that all we will need is a pair of functioning ovaries and a the right partner. But for some women, it’s not that simple. We often have to prepare the way emotionally before their body is ready to conceive physically. For me, it was dismantling the belief that motherhood would be a limitation in my life.
My 3-step strategy for creating space for a baby
If you are able to focus your attention on dramatically improving your own self-care and nurturing yourself, then you will not only be practicing the very skills you will need as a mother, but you’ll also find trying to conceive loses much of its stress and worry.
Step 1: Spring Clean your Uterus
Your uterus holds a lot of emotional ‘stuff’ for you. Listen, no one feels that motherhood is all roses and champagne. You might really feel conflicted about how motherhood, responsibilities, time constraints, financial realities, logistical realities all might force you to change dramatically your current lifestyle. You might have some mom baggage from your relationship with your own mother. You might have parents who divorced. There are a million reasons why you might be feeling on a deep level some fears about taking this leap into motherhood.
It isn’t so much about understanding all the why’s of your fears. It’s more about identifying and acknowledging that you are afraid of the big changes ahead. Feeling this fear allows you to feel and gauge something else too - the level of your excitement. If it’s in the same measure as your fear, then taking the leap will be awesome. If the fear is greater, this absolutely will send powerful stress signals along you HPA axis and can compromise egg quality, ovulation, and fertility. You see, your thoughts, beliefs and feelings absolutely affect your hormones, after all the actual mind body connection is the endocrine system!
Step 2: Baby Yourself - aka - Put Your Mom Jeans On
Imagine your baby needs to sleep 3 times a day and get to bed super early at night. Would you want to facilitate that sleep schedule or would you let other things interrupt it? Of course you would fiercely mama-bear-style guard that nap schedule at the expense of other things because you know how vital it is for baby’s health and brain development.
Long before you get ready to start trying for a baby, you need to begin to prioritize your self care in the same way. When faced with new opportunities, always ask, “Will doing this charge my battery or drain it?” What taxes your energy too much, will also tax your health and, ultimately, your fertility.
Think about how you would live your life now if you did have a newborn baby. What responsibilities and duties would easily fall by the wayside? What would seem really insignificant after a baby that right now you’re putting so much energy into? This works as a wonderful way to shift your perspective. What are you doing in your life because you want to and what activities are you doing that overextend your energy and abilities? If you make this change your cortisol levels will stay balanced and your adrenals will keep healthy - both very important for your optimal fertility.
Commit to make self-care a stronger part of your life. Making time for yourself, will help you stick with all of your fertility boosting diet too. It will allow you to make time to prepare a healthy meal, take a jog, or have a bath. Build self-care into your schedule and follow through with your plans as though it were any other kind of appointment in your calendar.
Step 3: Be a Creative Force of Nature
Baby or no baby, you’re already giving birth to things every day! We are designed to be fertile in all areas of our lives. Consciously identifying what you are creating in your life is a process I like to call cultivating a fertile mind-set. Think about what you birth in your relationships, your work, your hobbies, your creative projects and value those abilities and achievements. Respecting your creative talents will allow you to tap into your natural state of fertility and abundance and align your energy with the physical act of conception, pregnancy and birth.
Visualize your reproductive organs glowing, healthy and happy while you meditate on the truth that you are a fertile vessel, fully designed to create.
Always remember, that once you have the right information about how your body really works, you can start making health choices that finally start to work for you! You can do this - the science of your body is on your side!
to your FLO,
Good things come in threes:
I want to hear from you
First, are you trying to conceive now? Are you thinking about becoming a mom in the future?
Second, will you use my 3-step strategy? Share how it works for you!
Third, you know every one you know is hormonal – spread a little good ovary karma and share this article on social by clicking the buttons below 🙂
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