You may be familiar with some of the side effects of hormonal birth control, like depression, blood clots, and weight gain. You might also know that birth control pills, which are often prescribed for things other than contraception—like irregular periods or acne—aren’t the best solution for managing symptoms. In fact, the pill ultimately makes symptoms like acne worse.
But hormonal birth control has other, more far-reaching consequences. Specifically, taking the pill can wreak havoc on your love life.
I know that probably sounds far out or completely made up, but the idea that hormonal birth control has real consequences for your love life comes directly from the scientific research, which I outline in detail below.
And when you think about it closely, it makes a lot of sense. The pill messes with hormone production and balance by introducing a stream of synthetic hormones to our systems—and because hormones impact how we perceive other people and how they perceive us, it stands to reason that our interactions with everyone—and specifically romantic partners— would be tipped sideways by a steady stream of synthetic hormones.
In other words, hormones help us interact with the world. When we introduce a whole new set of hormones to our delicate bodies, it can shift our desires and perceptions on a fundamental biochemical level and have far-reaching romantic consequences.
How the Pill Ruins Love
Here are 5 of the ways that the pill might be messing with your love life:
You like the smell of guys or girls who are wrong for you romantically. When our hormones are balanced and healthy and when (biochemically speaking) we’re on the hunt for a baby daddy (which means you! It doesn’t matter if you never want kids or if you aren’t attracted to men. If you’re ovulating, your body goes through the biochemical hunt for a good reproductive partner every month), we are primed to be attracted to men to whom we are genetically dissimilar, which lowers the chance of miscarriage and increases the likelihood of having a healthy baby. It also tends to make for more satisfying sex and happier relationships.
Studies show that if you are on the pill, you are more likely to gravitate toward men who smell like you (possibly because the pill simulates pregnancy and pregnant women are drawn toward nurturing and supportive biological relatives, or folks who smell like them). In this way, the pill acts like an anti-cupid, steering you away from your ideal romantic match.
You become less attractive to the opposite or same sex. Pheromones are chemical messengers released by the body—and research shows that women’s pheromones can, quite literally, cast a spell over men and women when it comes to romance. Pheromones act as a sort of ‘love potion’ when they are released, increasing a person’s attraction to a women.
But studies show that the pill stops production of these attraction-enhancing pheromones, and that might have negative consequences for your romantic and sexual life.
It might make your attraction to your current partner disappear (gasp!). If you start a relationship when you’re on the pill then you may find, if and when you come off, that you’re no longer attracted to your partner. One study found that unless your mate is considered conventionally good-looking by evolutionary standards, you may then find them unattractive after you quit taking hormonal birth control. Here is what study author Michelle Russell told Time magazine in 2014:
“Women who choose a partner when they’re on hormonal contraceptives and then stop taking them will prioritize their husband’s attractiveness more than they would if they were still on it. The effect that it would have on her marital satisfaction would carry more weight.”
It can suppress your sex drive. A woman’s sex drive should peak around ovulation, but the pill prevents this from happening. Not only that, but the synthetic hormones in hormonal birth control deplete your testosterone reserves, which, along with balanced hormones, is a key to your sexual desire and enjoyment. Research has linked oral contraceptives with female sexual dysfunction, including less frequent sexual activity, arousal, pleasure, and orgasm, and difficulty with lubrication. Oral contraceptives have also been linked with recurrent yeast infections—and there’s nothing like a yeast infection to sink one’s sex drive.
It can lower your mood (which decreases your chances of getting in the mood). The pill has been linked to depression and anxiety, particularly in those women who may have a history of mental health issues. And many women are put on the pill for what’s actually a bad case of PMS—which can be addressed naturally—only to find that it makes their mood swings worse.
For some, these mood changes manifest themselves as a bad case of the “blahs,” or just kinda feeling “meh” about everything (otherwise known as anhedonia). Women are supposed to feel a range of emotions throughout their natural cycle, and being in touch with the ebbs and flows of your feelings can actually enhance your relationship. Feeling so-so about everything all the time doesn’t lend itself to romance. When you’re feeling blah, you’d just as rather watch TV than make-out with your sweetheart.
If the pill’s deleterious effects on dating are making you question the use of oral contraceptives for contraception or as a medical treatment, follow my protocol to transition off the pill. If you’re going to stay on the pill a little while longer, you can start this protocol now to ensure the switch is smooth and that you avoid seeing the return of any prior symptoms.
If you are on the pill for contraception, don’t forget about non-hormonal contraception choices. And if you want to learn more about potential side effects of hormonal birth control, including cancer risk, check out my special FREE Birth Control Rehab report.
Always remember, that once you have the right information about how your body really works, you can start making health choices that finally start to work for you! You can do this – the science of your body is on your side!
to your FLO,
Alisa
Learn About Other Side Effects from the Pill. Watch Now!
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Thank you Alisa,
Maybe your medical research and methodology will be the breaking ground to healing from cancer in women. And that using preventive measures and natural cycles is the first step towards a cancer free women ( if not hereditary in some cases)…Anyway just my thought.
I’m blessed to have found your website. It has answered so many of doubts and questions. Thank you so much. Now am trying to change my lifestyle/diet to bring back my “mojo” (hormonal balance).
I wonder, I never wanted to use the pill, but for three years I have the gynefix. Using condoms just never worked out well, I even think i was allergic to the latex, but it also stopped the game to much and worked against our sex-life. But I wonder if this copper coil also influences my hormonal balance, I’m exhausted for the last 2 years; but there might be also a bunch of other reasons for that, like a divorce, housemoving, stress, aso… So I would like to exclude this option, or know if it would be better to remove it again. Do you think it possible this coil is also influencing my balance?
And thank you! I bought your book and am studying it for the moment. 🙂
I have PCOS and was put on the pill to help regulate my cycle and help me be more fertile. I was told that I would be most fertile the month or two after ending the pill and did end up conceiving and have a beautiful son. I know when I first got on the pill, right before i was married and was on it for almost a year, I felt like my sex drive was wonky, so when I ran out, while I was out of town, I just never refilled it. I was able to enjoy sex more. I don’t feel like I had that same reaction the second time I went on the pill. Now I couldn’t really tell you how it may or may not have affected me hormonally and mood wise because I for the most part felt like I was fine on it. That was the same year I lost my dad and my hubby and I almost split (which may had been a factor of mood from the pill, but not sure).
I feel like it worked for me to help me regulate and conceive, so in that, it is worth the risks.
I went off the pill after taking it for 20 years (!) and stopped being attracted to my husband. My taste in men completely changed., I spent my entire life thinking I hated sex and that something was wrong with me but now I suddenly enjoy it. I feel in such a bad place in my life right now because of this and feel so lost 🙁 How come these effects aren’t known from every woman.
I’ve just started using “the pill” about 3 months ago. My boyfriend, sister, the rest of the family, and I have definitely noticed a change in my emotions. I’ve been very, very moody… even more-so than usual! While I usually do experience depression and other PMS symptoms before menstruation, it has certainly become more pronounced now. And not to mention… I went from not having periods at all to having ones that carry on for 15 days. Ugh!
Hoping to look for another form of birth control soon. With what mine’s been putting me through (and your above reasoning) I’ve about had enough of “the pill!”
Thanks for a good, informational read. Your articles are very impressive!
XOXO- Phantom
I’ve been the absolute worst version of me on the pill. It’s making me super moody and lash out at my SO, I’m so tired of it and I think today might be the day I stop taking it.
I believe that too many things are put down to hormones and monthly cycle that many of us women are being miss diagnosed and receive the wrong treatment or none at all or just completelydismissed things injected into them or implanted or put on the pill for no reason except for the convenience of the medical profession why should we have to still suffer these injustices the depot injection really messed me up both physically and emotionally now they say I need to have a hysterectomy and my partner says that he might find all this too much for him not once did anyone ask how I feel how is any of this fair he will probably be with someone much younger than me in a few months
This is so true! I was put on the pill when I was 15, hated it. Was on that until I was 18. My future husband and I were planning our wedding when I found out I was pregnant, sadly had a premature birth, our son didnt make it. Enter depression and having legit ZERO desire to have children after that. We both decided not to. I got on the implant in my arm, was on that for 7 almost 8 years. I began noticing some serious mood swings, my anger was out of control I was boarder line violent. I also had no desire to be with my husband, which really began to strain our marriage. As of January 2019 I am on a non hormonal birth control, and I feel so much better. I have more energy, and am more pleasant to be around, and the spark has returned between us!! Thank you for so much information of the female body and how to embrace it!!!
very informative article!
Very interesting subject , appreciate it for putting up. “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been
I recently started birth control and feel less attracted to my s/o . i am starting to lose feelings for him and last night got close to leaving him. idk what to do.